i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
