So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
