Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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