it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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