I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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