I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
