My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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