didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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