I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
