Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
