heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
