After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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