We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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