I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
