I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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