Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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