why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
