I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
