My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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