I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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