Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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