one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
