That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
