The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
