bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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