Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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