I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
