trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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