I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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