do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
