how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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