I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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