he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
