Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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