PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
