I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
