Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
