Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You are the jesus of drinking
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
