It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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