You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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