I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I want to fling myself into the sun
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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