My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
