then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
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We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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