I have demons in me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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