I cannot find my penis.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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