So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
