Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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