I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
