i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
