we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
