don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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