he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
