Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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