i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
