Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
