i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
