So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
