well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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