There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
