i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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