I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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