I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
