My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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