Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize