i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
