I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
