Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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