I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
